June 6th, 2014


No wonder

Life is like a combination of a roller coaster and a formula one race where things happen so fast and then there's the long, long, long waits.  I always find it interesting (I may be wrong in saying this) how others think they know what's going on in your world but in reality they can't begin to imagine the behind the scene activities and challenges.

Sadly to say, it's ever so difficult to share such activities cause at times most don't want to hear it; even though there's an expression of interest, but its truly not.  It is more important for them to talk about themselves and their activities.  I usually find myself shutting up and just listening.  After several attempts, I get the message and begin to change the way I communicate. I thought relationships are of mutual sharing and listening, I was in error.

Just frustrated that no matter how hard I work or do thing the right way using best practices, it seems to me that things are so stacked against me.  It can be overwhelming at times.  Making things much more frustrating is how what I do are viewed as magic or easy when in reality it's quite complicated.  Mounting to that are such behaviors or comments that undermine my work, my value and my creativity makes me feel blah.

Yet I'm expected to make every effort to keep in touch when in reality it's not reciprocated towards me. Ironic eh, I find myself in an one way communication.  It's strange to be in such a predicament.  I wonder if this is normal.

There are a few whom reciprocates, respect, support and helps me when I need it the most which i'm ever so grateful. And even rarer are the ones that I can depend on.  Maybe it's better to leave things as they are.   Maybe the problem is me.  Maybe by removing the problem all else will fall in to place.  Maybe things will improve by accepting life is just the ways it is.

No matter how hard I work, I seem to be standing still.  In that case, I'll leave it be.  Tired, ever so tired.